Getting back into the swing

And I still cringe everytime a teacher walks past and asks me if I'm feeling better.
Im not sure why I cringe
Could it be because I know that they have their talks about what is wrong with me?
Or because it reminds me of just what is wrong with me?
Maybe because I realise that I'm not actually feeling any better at all?
Or could it be because every second teacher has figured out that I was upset, and yet not one student in my entire school has asked if I'm okay.
It really could be any of those, I just know that I cringe.

---

It's one of those moments that you feel the atmosphere building up to.
As if your whole life rests on this instant.
And maybe that's what makes you so terrified.
A single slip and your life is gone.
A wrong move, and you'll never be able to live with yourself.
But either way, you'll be disappointed in yourself.
In fact, you've manipulated this situation so well,
that there is no solution that you can be okay with.
And you follow a part of yourself that you're ashamed of,
But you won't follow it to the end.
How can you?

---

There's a few good things about keeping secrets actually.
1. You have an inside joke, or expression with the only person you dare to tell. The person you trust the most. And you can laugh about it with them.
2. There's something you can use as a bargaining chip if you have information you want on someone else. Yes, I am that manipulative.
3. There's a part of yourself you can hide from the world, the part you think about when you're trying to fall asleep at night. You don't have to share it.

But you know, you're always going to feel how you do, and no matter how many lists you write about such things, secrets will never be okay.

---

There's a light at the end of this tunnel, you shout
Cuz you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And those mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only tried turning around

---

I was about to post this before I realised that it doesn't in any way reflect my mood.
(Which may or may not have changed dramatically since someone came online)
I am actually quite happy (no matter how confused) at the moment.
So let's make this happy :L

My name is Ebony, and I'm addicted to you (just because you're reading my blog). I enjoy the good life of olives, pez and grape zappos (you wish you had a C3PO pez dispenser like me) (bloody watch star wars you undereducated children!).

Anyways, I'm going to write a list of things that make me happy (inspired by smithteens):
Zappos
Pez
Olives
C3PO
Lollipops
You (not actually you in particular. well, he knows i mean him)
Rainbows
Babies
Smiles
Children (not like that)
The Sims
Money
My people
My family

And... yeah.
What makes you happy?