Free.

Confession#18: Usually, when I get alonetime, I cry. Today, I've been smiling. Thanks for crying with me today. xD

"I think God was drunk and on high when he thought up me"

"I love you. Don't walk away." – Random Ninja



Okay, yeah, I disagree with everything in that picture. =L
Anyways.
I have a feeling that todat is an important day in my life. Because today, everything worked out. Without having any actual schoolwork to do, I managed to successfully balance the other three spheres of life.



And today, I was happy. Things have just been looking up lately. I think Christmas just makes me happy. (Sorry for celebrating Christmas before your birthday darling D=)



I feel like I have the confidence to be me lately. I don't have to lie about who I am, or pretend to be anyone other than myself. I am allowed to love who I am. And I love that about this new me. But I still have the feeling that I'm not the girl I used to be. And she would hate this new me. But she hated herself as well, so maybe she's just difficult to please.



I feel like I can breathe now. I feel like all my troubles have gone away. I think thast resulted from the conversations I've been having lately. I don't feel guilty about anything. I have nothign to hide. Admitting things to myself has been a big help with this. I love feeling so free.



*rare moments of honesty*
#1: it's really quite simple actually. you made me cry. he makes me smile. the choice was obvious.
#2: i want to tell you everything so you can tell me i have nothign to worry about. but what if you don't?
#3: i tried to spend more time with you lately. i hope you notice.
#4: you can say whatever the hell you want to me about my poor attitude to life. but i still smile more.
#5: i still want you to involve me in your conversations. you still hate me. i think i hate you now too.
#6: i think he was right about you and me. not totally seriously, just in a nice, funny way.
#7: when i wake up in the morning, i try to think of ways to make you proud of me. i know that you watch me throughout the day, and please know that you're still alive in my heart. in an ironic way, your death has brought us closer, and i love you more than ever now. i wish you could see me today, i know you really would be proud.



Wish you were here.