Failure

There are so many wonderful things about earning my own money. The best of which being the fact that when I have a bad day, I can walk up to Coles and buy a block (or two) or chocolate. And almost not feel guilty. I mean, I did walk there. And today, was a really bad day.

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“I just…”
Any second now he was going to complete a sentence. He knew I had to go, and he knew I wasn’t going till he got an entire sentence out. Any second… “You just?”
“I don’t like telling you when you upset me”
His words crushed me. Of all the things he could have possibly said. I had hurt him. Right after I promised myself I never would.
“What did I do?”
“The way, you were talking about… him, I just… didn’t know you were still in love with him”
I’d known when I spoke those words that they were going to hurt him. But he asked me to tell him, and I couldn’t just avoid it.
“I don’t love him anymore darling. I just, know that I used to”
I tried to let those words sink in; this was the most important thing I’d ever said to him.
“Yeah, but, I wanted to be the only one. Not the person you love now, or the one you end up with, I want to be the only one”

And he looked so sad. Sitting there. Telling me the truth. Which is something I didn’t do often enough. I rarely even told him when he hurt me. But he was so honest. And I’d honestly hurt him. The one person in my life who I hadn’t hurt in the past week, and suddenly, bam, I had.
I could feel it coming, I was about to breakdown, I had maybe 30 seconds left…
“I have to go now” I said
“Ok…”
“I love you” I meant it, I really meant it
“I love you too”
And as I walked away, I felt the tears begin to pour down my face.

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...I think I just failed life.