only my internet has issues

So I suppose it has been a while since I blogged. That tends to be what I do. I’ve been meaning to blog for a while now, but I’ve been having Internet issues, plus I always feel guilty for blogging instead of studying considering I have 7 assessments in a 4 week window. But life’s too short to study, right? …or something like that.

So life has been going on as it is so prone to do, and I have found myself in a bit of a black hole of misery, as I am so prone to do. I mean, I still enjoy life, I’m still glad to wake up in the morning, I still like going to school; I just burst into tears at inconvenient times and have half of my teachers thinking I’m depressed, which may or may not be true. I mean, honestly, you know you’ve got problems when you listen to Taylor Swift songs on loop. Although I suppose that can be said for many other artists, too.

So, I uh, yeah, have some issues I suppose. I’m feeling very Holden Caulfield of late. It’s weird and slightly terrifying to think that I am perhaps the happiest person living under my roof.


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When you make it seem like you value my opinion, I feel like a more credible human being. When you search me out to tell me that you want to talk to me, I feel like my presence is valued. Sometimes I think you’re the closest thing I have to a friend. I am so pathetic :)


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Sometimes you act like I am a really important part of your life, and sometimes you don’t even care about me. Is it silly to miss you when you stop replying to my messages? Is it pathetic that I am always the initiator of our conversations? Do you actually like talking to me, or are you just too nice to say you don’t; maybe you can just tell that I need you.


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And speaking of needing people… do you still read this? Do you still know that I need you? That I miss you? That I want you in my life? Or have you also moved on in this big scary world and left me behind? I know we said we can’t be friends yet, but it would be nice to hear from you again.


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And somehow I can’t imagine being able to survive this without the knowledge that you are for me, you are here in my life, you are here by side, if not always physically, then metaphorically. You are my hug at the end of a long day, you are my cure to the tears, you are the smile that disappears far too often from my face.


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sorry, Internet is too laggy for pictures. Have a good day.