Katherine.

Ok, so I finished reading An Abundance of Katherines (John Green guys, John Green) yesterday and it got me so inspired. There are some beautiful quotes in it that I just have to share because they are so full of awesome (just like me). It also got me inspired to continue writing my story (ok, so that may or may not be the book :L)

Which brings me to the next thing I want to talk about (quotes later)
How can I have been so uninspired lately?
In the last year and 9 months (yes, there is significance to that time frame), I have only written 2 parts to my story, and both of them have been sad bits. Which is really sad, because this story is inspired by love.
But I have more to add now (yes, there is also significance to that fact), this is what I wrote yesterday/today:

"Should I be keeping an eye on you two?" Hayden asked jokingly. I liked it when Hayden made fun of us being together even though we weren't (yet?). I liked that Luke was comfortable with Hayden making fun of us being together.
"Oh please" I laughed along "Luke hasn't even kissed me yet" I squeezed his hand a little harder, and poked my tongue out at him. Luke smiled as well.
"We can change that right now if you want?" His question was so much more than a question, we were joking about something we both clearly wanted to much, but couldn't admit to wanting without seeming needy. I wanted to tell him that I wanted it, but I wanted even more for our first kiss to be perfect in a way no other had been. I wanted the fairytale and the romance, and the kiss that people write books about. And this couldn't be it, so I had to say no.
"I can't make it that easy for you sweetie, I'm not just going to tell you what I want, you have to figure it out."
Somewhere in the middle of that statement we stopped dancing the ridiculous dance, it became real, and in that moment we said more to each other than we ever had before.
"So I'm supposed to be able to read your mind?" He asked disbelievingly, as if he was ashamed that I was a cliche girl. But I was in so many ways, because I wanted my fariytale romance, and he just wanted me.
"No, you're supposed to take risks. Half the fun is taking risks, and seeing if they pay off"
He laughed again, as if the metaphor of our conversation didn't even exist, and I was perfectly content to pretend it didn't. As long as he got the hint.

---

Quote time =) (equipped with my [over]analysis)

"What is the point of being alive if you don't as least try to do something remarkable?"

I like this quote because, when you first read it, you think that it is very true, that you should be a remarkable person. But then when you finish the book, you realise that Colin doesn't have to be a genius and he doesn't have to win a Nobel Prize to be a remarkable person. Sometimes, being remarkable is what's in your heart. And maybe it's enough to love others and to treat them well, and maybe that's all that life is about. You don't need a theorem about love to know how to love. You don't need a remarkable achievement to be remarkable.



"Paradoxically, he felt as if getting dumped was the only thing happening on the entire dark and silent planet, and also as if it weren't happening at all. He felt himself drifting away from the one-sided whispered conversation, wondering if maybe everything big and heartbreaking and incomprehensible is a paradox."

I like this quote because it pretends to show the paradox, as if there is no analysing to do that hasn't already been done by Colin, but then it uses the words "big and heartbreaking and incomprehensible" which are a paradox in themselves. And you realise that perhaps life is a paradox, because you sometimes feel as if you are the only person alive, and then sometimes you feel as if you are only a tiny piece of the huge world. And this in itself is a comforting feeling, that our lives can be so insignicant.



"Nerd always say that don't give a shit about popularity; but - not having friends sucks. I never liked "cool" kids, personally - I thought they were all dumb little shits. But I'm probably like them in some ways. Like, the other day, I told Hassan I wanted to matter- like, be remembered. And he said "famous is the new popular." Maybe he's right, and maybe I just want to be famous. I was thinking about this tonight, actually, that maybe I want strangers to think I'm cool since people who actually know me don't."

I like this quote because it shows all the natural human insecurities in a few little words. Everyone wants to be cool, but no one likes the cool kids. Maybe it's because we don't like them, but it's probably because we're jealous. Sometimes we wonder what our purpose in life is, and we so often come to the conclusion that we have to matter, we have to be doctors, or fight poverty. We have to do something that makes life worthwhile. Sometimes we want strangers to like us too, and we want our friends to like us, since we don't like ourselves very much. It's so easy for people to see their own imperfections, and to search for something to make up for it.



"And to Colin's mind, at least, there was a deeper repetition: each time, Katherines dumped him because they just didn't like him. They each came to the same conclusion about him. He just wasn't cool enough or good-looking enough or as smart as they'd hoped - in short, he didn't matter enough. And so it happened to him again and again, until it was boring. But montony doesn't make for painlessness. In the first century CE, Roman authorities punished St. Apollonia by crushing her teeth one by one with pliers. Colin often thought about this in relationship to the monotony of dumping; we have thirty-two teeth. After a while, having each tooth individually destroyed probably gets repetitive, even dull. But it never stops hurting."

I like this quote because it makes me sad in a good way. Heart break, is, well, heart breaking. And eventually, it can probably happen so much it gets boring. Failing at life happens to me so often it gets boring. Sometimes things that hurt me make me cry everyday. Eventually, the tears get repetitive and boring. I cry for the same things over and over. But that doesn't make each tear hurt any less. If anything, it makes it hurt more.



"You can love someone so much, he thought. But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."

I like this quote because it is telling me to appreciate what I have when I have it. You don't know how much something means until you lose it, and it's so easy to take things for granted. And maybe that makes you love them a little less, maybe you don't tell them as often as you should that you love them. Sometimes you forget how much they love you, and you have a fight, and you wish they would get out of your life. But the truth is, you love them. And you would miss them, more than you could ever love them, if they were gone. Imagine that in the future, every friend and family member you have dies. And you feel so alone. And then you're allowed to go back to the past and be with them again. Now imagine this is the past. You have them now. Appreciate them. Love them.



"Colin turned into the store's parking lot and stopped the car, but made no move to get out. "I know you're right. I mean, about me being a self-centered asshole."
"Well, it's only sometimes. But still. Just stop."
"I really don't know how," he said. "How do you stop being terrified of getting left behind and ending up by yourself forever and not meaning anything to the world?""

I like the quote because I am terrified of not meaning anything to the world. Sometimes I'm very sure I don't mean anything to the world, and that scares me. It also makes me self-centered. I'm not proud that I'm like this. But I'm scared to change and then fade away.