Reasons I love you

I don't love you for the butterflies in my stomach, or the flutter of my heart when you whisper in my ear. It's not the stretch of your shirt as you reach for the top shelf or the way the light hits your eyes on the bus to uni. It's not the smile on my face when I see the message is from you, or the inside jokes we have. It's not for the way you cuddle me between games in CoD or the way you shoot people trying to kill me, even though you know I'll tell you off for taking my kill. It's not because you cook me dinner when I go over after work, and serve it in one big bowl with two forks. It's not because we have identical taste in jewellery, or because you watch home shows with me and my mum. It's not because, after all this time, you feel what I've been feeling and you want a stronger commitment. I don't love you for the happy tears you make me cry, the overwhelming, I-have-never-known-joy-like-this-before tears. It's not because we're both addicted to the same colour at the same time, or because we're always thinking the same thing. It's not because you always know when I'm upset and you wipe the tears from my eyes before I know they're there. It's not when you buy the t-shirt I pick out and I buy the jacket you pick out.

It's because, when I get sad, really sad, depressed about my life direction and my place in the world, unmotivated to wake up in the morning, when I want to give up on everything, I talk to you. And I love being me, all over again. Because you give me purpose, and direction, and get me excited about my life. Because when my world is falling apart, and I feel like I can't take it anymore, I feel my pocket vibrate, and you remind me that you're thinking of me.

I love you in an over-the-top, unfathomable way.
I love you in a way that I can't figure out how to put into words.
I love you like a bee loves honey. Without the regurgitation part. With the shelter and the well-being and the co-dependence part.
I love you.


I have to stop writing now and go and study for midsems, oh life is so hard. ;)