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Confession #24: Your words of love for her were worse than any words of hate for me could ever be.

“Sometimes you just need to cry and be sad.

You need to break down and be torn apart.

You need to learn how to pick yourself up and put yourself back together.

Sometimes, the only way to be happy is to give into sadness first.”

"Sorry I'm not what you expected" – theatergirl345

So, it's been a week. A terrible week, actually. And yet, a beautiful week. But I haven't blogged. And yes, I feel bad. But at the same time, I'm glad you guys don't know what was going on in my head throughout the week.

I don't think I'm okay. And I don't think I'm going to be okay. Everything is just too hard. And I'm so used to just ignoring my problems until they go away that I don't know how to deal with things. And it's not going away.



I think I'm actually genuinely surprised that it's not going away. It always used to. Ignoring it was fine.

I mean, when you think about; shit is always going to work out.
It's a rule of the universe.
You can either get through it, or you die.
And 99% of the time, you get through it.
So I expected it to all work out in the end.

Maybe I still am.



And I tell people that crap is getting to me, and they nod knowingly. But they don't know. They just think they know. They just try to be there for me. And, I appreciate that, sure. But, it's not enough. I need someone to sit down with the rulebook to life, and let me flick through the pages. I need to know what the next step is.

So here's to hoping it just blows over.