The days.

The days get so hard and long and exhausting.  How much longer can I do it? The question I bring to myself every few months. How long can I go without a day off before I crack? How long until I get aggressively sick beyond recovery? How long until I can't get out of bed in the morning? How long until I start crying myself to sleep every night. But every time I can go a little bit longer. And every time my body breaks in different ways.

So I make jokes. I laugh about the fact that I ask for help and receive "see you later" in response. I laugh when students set trees on fire or when they steal things or rip up their worksheets and throw them across the room at each other.

And I cry. When I find the time. I always cry. Sometimes I have a spare five minutes and I use it to cry. And maybe that's not healthy but I don't think there is a healthy solution. Everything is too hard. What do I do?

Lower my expectations. Change my mind about what I want in life.
And laugh.
Keep laughing